March 5, 2018


Sorry, I don’t mean to yell. Just a little excited.



Ok, HI! I mean, shoot…we did that already. 

Alright, from the top!

My name is Awkpie.  I’m a hand-pie, which I guess you already know. And some of you know I’m a glimpse into the ambrosia meant for the likes of Ghandi and Maggie Smith. 



Ok, now back to me. 

I'm fashioned out of spices that have almost achieved enlightenment and, in all seriousness, a crust that took 6 months to develop, #latebloomer.  Um…you might think I’m weird. But I'll bet my disarming profile and charismatic disposition leaves you curious enough to discover what gumbo tastes like with rice pudding.  I’m basically like something that rhymes with, “Bot Bocket," or, "Cot Locket,” but much better.

*attempts sultry pose*

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Shall we do the awkward song and dance?

Oh, were we already doing it? 

Got it.

I can give you my card and tell you how we like to celebrate awkward moments of life.  

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And you can choose the moment that best represents your inner awkwardness.  And I’ll clench my crust when you tell me, “These really aren’t that awkward,” or hip hip hooray when you tell me, “This is so clever! You are gonna do really well.  Where’s your shop?” <- this one will happen more than the former.  Then you’ll make my day when you come back to say, “Wow! That was really incredible!  I need 4 more to take home with me please.” 

I mean we just met, but alright!

Then I'll get overly excited. 

It's fine. I'm cool.

You're sufficiently distracted by the harmony of pulled pork brightened by blackberry jam and pickled ginger.

Meanwhile I go on like the blithering commentary that I am, “Oh my gosh! Thanks so much! WOW.  OK, I keep really well in the fridge for up to 5 days, and in the freezer for months! Though, I like to be in an airtight container or bag if you do keep me in the freezer." 


























Is it the freezer thing?













Yeah, I thought it might be too soon to share that. 









Whatever, it’s true, I'm a germaphobe and like to be in airtight containers.

So, what else do people like to know on first dates?

Wait…Is this a date? Who’s paying? Argh, I need a quick gauge of social leanings to know how the paying will work!

No, I got it.  I’ll try to pay, if you push back I’ll pull the “I’ll get it next time.” 

Nope. Wait. What if there isn’t a next time?




There’s always a next time.  

Get the e-mails to make sure you know when next time happens...

Copyright | 2018